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Something stolen








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You thought nobody noticed








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Taming the Beast -
The Fears and Joys of Being a Member
(and a Writer)

      Even as much as we want to be part of a writing group, many of us suffer anxiety about joining one. We’re afraid of making the commitment, afraid that maybe we’re not good enough. We don’t want to look foolish or be found out (that we can’t write, that we’re fakes, that our writing is mediocre or worse).

      It’s natural t feel some apprehension about joining any new group. Add to that the basketful of misgivings we have about our writing anyhow, and we can end up with as many doubts as plot twists in a good whodunit. How will we ever find our way home?

      The first thing to understand is that we’re not alone in our concerns. Most writers I know are insecure at best, anxiety ridden and angst filled at worst. And why not, this is a risky business, exposing ourselves in the permanence of black and white. It’s good to know that experts say most of what frightens us isn’t real. In one twelve-step program, old-timers tell newcomers that fear is an acronym for False Evidence Appearing Real.

      “There’s a voice inside our heads that’s always heralding doom and disaster even before we get started on something,” writes Dr. Susan Jeffers in Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway.

      While it may be a waste of time to root around for the deep causes of our anxieties, it can help to identify such apprehensions. Calling something by its rightful name can take some of the power away. Also, when we break them down into their smaller parts, our fears don’t appear as daunting as the whole black cloud of anxiety that rises on the horizon of our subconscious.

      So, what are the fears of joining a group? Following is a brief list that other writers have claimed.

  • Fear of rejection
  • Fear of not being good enough
  • Fear of not knowing how (to critique, to write in a group, etc.)
  • Fear of intimacy
  • Fear of commitment
  • Fear of being disillusioned
  • Fear of finding out I can’t write
  • Fear of finding out how good I am (not very many actually voice this fear, real as it might be)
  • Fear of failure
  • Fear of success
  • Fear of completing something
  • Fear of not completing something
  • Fear of being judged
  • Fear of being found out
  • Fear of reliving an uncomfortable or difficult experience
  • Fear of looking foolish
  • Fear that I’ll loose my voice (and I’ll write like everybody else in the group)
  • Fear that I’ll find out I don’t have anything original to say
      I tell my students that the anxiety the surrounds writing will never go away completely, we just get used to it. The same might be true about joining a group. You may have first-time jitters again and again. Maybe you’ll have a pang of dread each time you have to read aloud or give feedback or critique to someone else. I know some longtime writers who have never overcome the anxiety of reading their work aloud. Others simply won’t take the risk of writing spontaneously with a group.

      On it’s own, fear won’t disappear. And, the more you listen to it, the louder its braying becomes. If you’re experiencing a little (or a lot) of misgivings about being part of a writing group, here are some strategies that might quiet the noise:

  • Be gentle with yourself.
    Laugh at yourself, name your bogeymen and give yourself rewards when you are able to stick your tongue out at them. Take baby steps, just like writing - a word at a time. Go to a one-time-only group first. Try a drop-in group, where you don’t have to make a commitment. Or join a group that lasts for only four weeks, or six sessions. Don’t try to do it alone. Go with a friend. Ask if you can sit in on a group you’d like to join to see how it works.
  • Go to an open reading and just listen.
    Read your work aloud to one other person. Start with a writing partner. Read your work into a tape recorder and play it back. Celebrate the sound of your own voice.
  • Talk to yourself.
    Self-talk laden with positive messages can change fear energy into positive energy. Eliminate the can’ts, shouldn’ts, and ought-tos from your self-talk vocabulary. Say affirmations. Write them in your notebook.
  • Use your imagination.
    Visualize yourself doing what you’re afraid to do; see yourself as a graceful, strong, and capable member of a writing group.
  • Get information.
    This is one of the best ways to conquer fear. Talk to other writers who are in groups. Ask how it benefits them, what they like, what the trade-offs are. Why did they stay.
  • Write down all the reasons you want to be in a group.
    Freewrite what you’ll be like as a successful member of a group.
  • And most of all, remember to relax and breathe.

          On the flip side of fear is joy, and this is what writers I know say about the joys of being with other writers:

          A great feeling of being connected

          Finding out about my writing and myself  Fun of listening to other writers’ stories  The experience of hearing how other writers do it  A sense of accomplishment at having produced something, finishing  The delight of finding out I’m good, that there is promise  When it’s been tamed and domesticated, fear serves some purpose. It keeps us from strolling on freeways and scratching behind a lion’s ears. In its most primitive form, it gives us the energy we need for flight or fight. And for us writers, it brings another gift. Like all emotions we experience, feeling our fear gives us more grist for our writer’s mill. Use it.

         











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