Disoriented and lonely — a writer without a group

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I had the strangest feeling of disorientation last night. As I sat at my computer answering emails suddenly I felt a little dizzy and I realized I didn’t know what day it was. I had the sense I was supposed to be somewhere, but I didn’t know where. Certainly it wasn’t there, at my desk, in my yoga clothes, emailing about lunch dates with my sisters.

Then I realized: it was Wednesday night and I was supposed to be with my Wednesday writing group. That was it!

My body or my memory or my internal clock—something—was telling me I was supposed to be at Inspirations Gallery, sitting around that long table with Betsy and Anita and Greg and Scott and Helen and the other writers who, over the course of the three-year life of this particular group, had been coming together each week for read and critique of their work.

But we’d ended the group mid-December. Three of the writers had finished various drafts of their books, one already had a contract, and would be leaving the group anyhow. One was on leave of absence and another was working with her agent in a deadline-rushed draft of her newest book. Clearly the time had come for the group to end. We’d said our goodbyes at our last session and had a farewell potluck with others who’d been in the group over the previous three years. Now was mid-January; Wednesday night wasn’t writing group night any more.

Still, there I was at my desk, disoriented and a little lonely.

I’ve experienced this same feeling at the end of writing groups before, whether I was leader or participant. Because where else can we find the kind of community and connection with our own kind than in a writing group? Group members become more than colleagues. Groups give us motivation and courage to continue and pull us out of the muck when we’re stuck. They give us a place to go with our work, to get feedback and critique and cheering on. They are friends, family of sorts, and a source of the support we need to continue. And, oh, the stories we get to read. Week by week, in installments, so compelling we can’t wait for the next session to find out what happens next.

I was missing all this. No wonder I felt disoriented and lonely.

The good news: A new group is starting in a few weeks. We’ll meet on Tuesdays rather than Wednesdays, and I’m a participant rather than the group leader. But the rest of it will be the same—the support, the camaraderie, the snacks, and the stories. I can’t wait!

Are you a member of a regular writing group? What’s your experience with groups? Are you part of an online group? How is it different than an in-person group? How is it the same? Let’s talk about writing groups.

12 thoughts on “Disoriented and lonely — a writer without a group”

    • Hi Arlene,
      Thanks for posting. I hope you can find a writing group. In San Diego we have lots of opportunities; I hope you do too, wherever you are. And if not a “live” one, maybe online.
      Good luck!
      Judy

  2. how well i agree with you and how much my groups mean to
    me and have for years esp as I get older and they are so supportive.. love una

    • Hi Una,
      We really need to stay with our own kind, don’t we? That support and feedback is so important. Thanks for checking in here.
      Love to you,
      Judy

  3. I love writing groups. I miss the last one I was in, which ended in July 2014! Agh! I was the leader and we meant to start our meetings again in September, but then, life was crazy and it was put off until October, then November . . . and you see how it went. I need to get that group started again . . . and share the leadership.

    Thanks for this post!

    • Hi Tyrean,
      Thanks so much for posting. I know how that can go… time goes by and goes by and the group doesn’t get together again. I missed being in a group for my own work terribly. The support and feedback and camaraderie is vital to my wellbeing. Hope you get yours started again soon!
      Judy

  4. I’m currently in a poetry R & C group with Steve Kowit that meets once a month at The Ink Spot. We’ve been together now for way over a year and every meeting our relationships get deeper, critiques get sharper and the writing gets stronger. Each of us sent three poems to one of our group members who is publishing an anthology of our work. Can’t wait to see it!

    • Hi Jill,
      Thanks for sharing your experience with your R&C group with that darling, wonderful, brilliant Steve Kowit. I’m so glad the group is proving rewarding for you and your poetry and that you’re getting so much out of it. I know you’re helping the other poets, too.
      Thanks,
      Judy

  5. I belong to an informal online network of writers now and it’s great to know I’m not the only one out there. I would love to be part of a San Diego writers group. I have never experienced that and would love to have my work discussed with peers. No one but other writers understands our loneliness in the midst of a crowd.

    • Hi Susanne,
      Thanks so much for posting. I’ve been hearing alot about online groups and am considering starting one, only it would be for a new Wild Women Writing Group, rather than a read and critique group. Are you in San Diego? We’d love to have you join us.

    • Hi Susanne, Thanks for posting. I’ve heard alot about online groups these last few years and a few sites are starting up specifically to host groups. I’m thinking of starting an online Wild Women group when my book comes out in the spring.
      Are you in San Diego? We’d love to have you join us.

  6. At work and in life in general I work better alone and socialize best with one on one and prefer it that way. However I’d like an online writing group. Gotta keep in touch with one’s tribe!

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